Vulnerability in Men: A Journey Towards Authenticity

The Rise of Vulnerability in Personal Growth

Vulnerability has become a buzzword in personal growth circles, largely thanks to Brené Brown's pivotal TED Talk on the subject. You can find it on YouTube. It’s as good as it should be to have garnered 22 million views while propelling her into the zeitgeist of our time.

I particularly appreciate her acknowledgment of men’s unique struggles in this area. While she doesn’t dive deeply into how we got here, she highlights the consequences—a multitude of them.

Context is important, and while it may sound reductive, the truth to me is straightforward: throughout history, powerful interests have shaped us into tools for their ambitions. These forces have molded us into a machine, ready to act on command. The industrial complexes surrounding us—military, corporate, and beyond—demand our unwavering loyalty and lifelong belief in their authority. From birth, we are taught to serve this system, with empathy, subtlety, and vulnerability pushed far to the margins. Our very essence has been colonized; the qualities we could celebrate within ourselves have been co-opted or even villainized to serve these systems. It’s a tragedy of epic proportions.

The Cost of Suppressing Our True Selves

So, where has this led us? To core beliefs about what it means to be a man: be stoic, be brave, be silent, trust no one, follow orders, respect the pecking order, and make sure anyone not upholding these values is brought back in line.

We are told to sacrifice our humanity for the cause, yet this sacrifice strips us of what is true about us: that we have deep emotional lives. Each of us is a walking novel of love, joy, sorrow, and heartbreak, brimming with complexity and touched by the divine. We are nuanced beings, literally dying to be seen.

Statistics reflect this struggle: men are three times more likely than women to commit suicide across all age groups. Men are more likely to die from all-cause mortality earlier than women, to prioritize work over personal life, to suffer from substance abuse, and to avoid seeking help for health issues, especially mental health. The world we’re living in makes it incredibly hard to break down the walls blocking us from our fullest lives. As men, it’s hard as hell to be vulnerable. It’s terrifying to expose our truth.

The Liberating Power of Vulnerability

The irony? Breaking these barriers is not as dangerous as we fear. In fact, it can be the most liberating act we undertake.

I remember the first time I expressed the truths I’d been hiding. I was convinced that opening up would destroy everything. In my isolation, I believed no one could handle, love, understand, or want the real me.

Thank God I was wrong. I was so wrong that the opposite happened. I began discovering that the things I feared most about myself were what allowed me to connect in the ways I so desperately needed.

Truth is a catalyst for connection, straight up. Even what we deem "ugly truth" can spark connection. (Just to be clear, I’m not talking about projecting personal judgments onto others, but rather truths that reflect solely on ourselves.) When I share my truth, it creates alchemy for relation, inspiring others to do the same. It moves us from isolation to connection.

Vulnerability is the antidote to “I am alone,” “I am unlovable,” “I am not worthy,” “I don’t matter,” and “I am not enough.” It is an act of defiance against the monocropping of our experience as men. It’s a doorway to incomprehensible riches of the kind that make life worth living.

Practical Steps to Practice Vulnerability

1. Start Small: Vulnerability doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing endeavor. Begin by sharing something small that you’d typically keep guarded, whether it’s a fear, a hope, or even a mistake.

2. Acknowledge Your Fears: Feeling fear when letting your guard down is natural. Acknowledge it, but don’t let it dictate your actions.

3. Reframe Vulnerability as Strength: Remind yourself that vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s a sign of strength and authenticity. It takes more courage to be real than to maintain a facade of invulnerability.

4. Reflect on the Benefits: Observe how vulnerability impacts your relationships and self-view. Often, it leads to deeper connections and a greater sense of inner peace.

Questions to Consider

• How might your life change if you allowed yourself to be more vulnerable?

• Who in your life might provide a safe space for vulnerability?

• What’s one small step you can take today toward embracing vulnerability?

Author’s Note

It’s important to clarify that vulnerability isn’t about oversharing or exposing every part of ourselves. It’s simply about letting our authentic selves be seen—especially the parts that are imperfect or uncertain. When we’re vulnerable, we open the door to genuine connection by allowing others to see who we truly are, and in doing so, we invite them to do the same.