Choose Your Discomfort: The Path to Growth

Discomfort Isn’t the Enemy, Avoidance Is

Discomfort is a sign that something is changing, for better or for worse. It can mean many things, yet its foundation is always the same: a feeling of agitation, something pressurizing beneath the surface. It’s the canary in the coal mine, indicating that something is changing, needs to change, or both.

Two Types of Discomfort

On one hand, discomfort is the feeling we get in the midst of a challenging workout when we push our physical boundaries. It’s there when we learn a new skill, fumbling and failing our way forward—each iteration a step closer to mastery. It’s the feeling of choosing discipline over indulgence, when part of us just wants to give in. In this case, discomfort is a steadfast companion of growth, signaling that we’re stepping beyond what’s easy or familiar and moving toward a better version of ourselves.

On the other hand, discomfort shows up when things are breaking down. It’s the tension we feel when entropy grips us—when we ignore the messages our body is sending. It's there when days turn into weeks, months, and years of "I'll start working out, eating better, drinking less, working less... tomorrow." It’s there when we avoid hard conversations, bury our dreams, and shy away from the inner work that calls to us. In this context, discomfort is a companion that whispers, then shouts warnings, urging us to listen and take action to slow, halt, or reverse the damage we are doing at an ever accelerating pace.

The Conditioning That Holds Us Back

One of the great tragedies for men, especially those in midlife and beyond, is that we’ve been conditioned to suppress this kind of discomfort. We’ve been taught to suck it up, to “man up,” to never show any sign of fragility. We’ve been led to believe our value lies in being tough, that vulnerability is failure. We’re expected to endure, to be the first line of defense, the last one to seek comfort or care.

This conditioning has severe consequences. It leads us to shut down anything that looks remotely vulnerable—anything that could be seen as weakness. We build walls around our hearts and armor around our emotions. We try to silence discomfort, hoping it will just go away. But instead of disappearing, the discomfort festers, turning into resentment, anger, or a dull sense of emptiness. In shutting down unwanted feelings, we often end up shutting down all feelings, and our lives become monotonous, repetitive, and devoid of real joy. We begin to live shadow lives—a faint flicker on the wall of a cave we may not even realize we’re in.

Leaning Into Discomfort

Leaning into discomfort isn’t easy, whether we’re pushing out that last rep at the gym or finally admitting, “I need help.” It requires immense courage to face our fears, to admit when we’re struggling, and to take action despite the uncertainty. But it’s in that discomfort that we find the possibility of transformation. We learn to have those hard conversations, to address the areas where we’re stuck, to reconnect with our dreams, and to finally do the inner work we’ve been avoiding.

Redefining Strength in Midlife

For men in midlife, this is a pivotal moment. It’s a chance to redefine strength—not as the absence of vulnerability, but as the willingness to face it. It’s about showing up fully, not just as a tough exterior, but as the whole human being beneath it. By leaning into discomfort, we create opportunities to grow, change, and live lives that are richer, more meaningful, and more authentic.

Discomfort isn’t the enemy, avoidance is. Choose your discomfort before discomfort chooses you.